I tried \u201csober living\u201d in Texas 8 years ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some guy I knew off of LiveJournal had invited me to Texas initially, and he meant well but his houseboy was a flaming hideous cunt and pathological user who thought I was moving in on his mark (one, not interested, two, I can get a job and a place to live with my fucking legs closed, OH, and by the way bitch your album sucks) wasn\u2019t having none of me and hey, I don\u2019t stay anywhere I\u2019m not welcome unless they\u2019re serving coffee in the basement, so after a few weeks of that I politely thanked them for their hospitality and off I went.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was going from door to door selling AT&T U-Verse and sleeping in my Volvo when I found an ad for \u201csober\u201d living on Craigslist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The \u201csober house\u201d was a little sketchy and the owner was this sleazebag named Otto who claimed to have 21 years clean though word was that he\u2019d been drunk off his ass at several meetings that year. I would sit there listening to him on the phone spouting off different lies with different people, describing himself as the property owner, or the manager, or just as a resident depending on the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI am the owner.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll talk to the owner.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI am the manager.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll talk to the manager.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guy was a trip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then one day, he reconfigured my 10\u00d712\u2032 room to accommodate four people, installed bunk beds in the garage, and then started moving people in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was like, \u201cI think it\u2019s time to go sleep in my Volvo again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Otto refused to give my security deposit back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He edited my lease, removed the portion about getting my security deposit back after moving out, and said \u201cthis is your new lease.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I said \u201cThat isn\u2019t how a lease works.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wouldn\u2019t budge, so I started posting ads on Craigslist about the 8 Mexicans living in the garage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He e-mailed me and taunted me that he didn\u2019t care what I was doing and to just go right ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had $5 to my name and no gas in my Volvo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I spent my last $5 on a 40-ounce can of Heineken, which I took a sharpie marker and wrote \u201cDrink me, asshole\u201d on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I drove to the sober house and put it in the mailbox for Otto.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well. He did drink it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He left me a drunk ranting voicemail that my $250 was in the mailbox and I\u2019d better come get it before one of the other residents did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The last I heard, everyone in the house was drinking and doing heroin after that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just me and one other dude that got the fuck out of there sober.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve no idea where my last $250 to my name even got me other than from there to here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I tried \u201csober living\u201d in Texas 8 years ago. Some guy I knew off of LiveJournal had invited me to Texas initially, and he meant well but his houseboy was a flaming hideous cunt and pathological user who thought I was moving in on his mark (one, not interested, two, I can get a job […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7144"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7144"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7144\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12163,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7144\/revisions\/12163"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}